Here’s my dating horror story:
My first big date in a long long while. Nervous does not come close to describing how I felt. My heart was pounding, palms sweating and my mouth as dry as sandpaper.
I had met her a couple of days before in a bar and somehow we ended up chatting. She looked amazing and had just finished work. Somehow I managed to pluck up the courage to ask to see her again and guess what? She said yes.
So before she could change her mind I got her to agree to meet for dinner in a couple of days . It would be the weekend – the perfect chance to work my magic.
She quickly agreed and suggested that she knew the perfect place, and would take care of booking the table and everything.
Generally speaking, things like this never happen to me.
We parted with a quick kiss, a taste of things to come perhaps.
It’s a fact of nature that good luck avoids me like nobody else, but not this time.
Over the next two days every romantic scenario played through my head, I rehearsed my lines, sorted my date clothes out, visited the hair dresser. Nothing could go wrong.
Finally the big day arrived and the time really dragged while the evening time we had arranged to meet crept slowly near.
I knew the little restaurant she had suggested and ordered a cab to get me there in plenty of time.
It was not far from where we had originally met. Not wanting to appear desperate, I found a bar nearby and had a couple of drinks to help fuel my witty conversation and loosen me up a bit.
When I finally arrived at the restaurant she was already sitting at a little secluded table for two near the back. She looked a million dollars. If you could have seen her your would have gasped. She was beautiful.
After the pleasantries were out the way, we ordered a nice bottle of white wine and I began my rehearsed conversation pieces.
Perhaps the nerves helped but I was enjoying a little too much of the wine – but hey I was gaining confidence and flowing.
Emma seemed to be enjoying herself and was smiling and flirting to my satisfaction. Now let this be a lesson to you ! If things are looking like they’re going too well – start to worry.
Here’s how it all ended for me – people watching. Yep as easy as that. People watching and too much wine.
What happened you may ask? Well I spotted, how can I say this, a larger then usual young girl clearing one of the tables. My mouth ignored my brain and out came these words: “‘ look at her, shes so big she has her own zip code,” followed by” when she lies on the beach, lifeguards try getting her back in the water!.”
It must have been the wine, but I thought I was the funniest guy on the planet. In fact, I’ve always considered myself to be a stand up comic and I thought I was killing it.
Emma smiled politely but the glow had gone from her eyes. She ate quickly and in silence probably ignoring all the other size jokes that I couldn’t help but continue with.
I put her reaction down to her nerves and paid the bill while planning the next stage of the date.
But Then My Dating Horror Story Came Full Circle
As we reached the door however, the young large waitress waved and said to Emma, ” See you later. ”
The blood drained from my face as I asked, “Do you know her?.”
Yep she replied “That’s Sarah, my sister, we both work here. It’s my night off.”
Her words struck me like a bolt of lightning.
Needless to say the night went downhill pretty fast and we parted company.
Looks like I not only killed with my standup routine, but I also killed any chance of seeing Emma again.